matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Randomize
