i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
