i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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