whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
