remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
