that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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