I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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