Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
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critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
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Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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