He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
