Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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