One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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