Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Randomize
