At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
lets start a swedish sibling band together
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
