if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
