My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
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Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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