ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Randomize
