I hope mine doesn't look like that
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
