I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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