My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
