Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
