I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
