Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
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