Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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