Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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