I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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