Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
