he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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