I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Drunk is a universal language darling
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
