My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
