so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
