No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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