i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
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