Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
