When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
