one two three fourrrrnication!
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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