Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
