pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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