Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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