What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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