Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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