Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
