some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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