we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
