Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
