What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
