Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Too much gin, very little bucket
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
