The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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