my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
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I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
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Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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