we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
