My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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