So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
