is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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