Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
True strength comes from lack of pants
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