rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
