she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
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there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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