You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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