Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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