So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
