so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
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