I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
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I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
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I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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