I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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