oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
