i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Boobs speak an international language.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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