Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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