It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I'm passing your future prison.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
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