I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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