Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
