Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
