I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize