so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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