I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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