Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I need a beard to bite.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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