No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
