Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
