I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Randomize
